♫dudie♫’s Blog

“Heaven knows we need never be ashamed of our tears, for they are rain upon the blinding dust of earth, overlying our hard hearts.”

–Charles Dickens, Great Expectations, 1860

I have always believed in this saying. Which is why I rarely resort to hiding my emotions, especially that of pain or disappointment. When I’m happy I try to wear the most blissful face, when I’m lonely I gaze upon a distance to relish the feeling of being alone, and when I’m in pain, I let go of a river of tears. I have always been like this. At times I may be too ashamed to let people see me crying but I have never in my life held back my tears. Until now, that is.

I have never really interpreted crying as a sign of weakness or frailty. But that was before I felt that I was being looked down for this reason. That upon shedding tears, someone has viewed me to be a shallow and annoying crybaby. Then I felt a certain feeling of rebellion within me.

back in my high school days, our batch was always said to be the worst ever in the entire history of the school. But we usually made up for that because of our undying competitive spirits. We always found joy in competing with rival schools and each time, we gave it our very best. Because of the intense desire to win them all, disappointment cannot be helped. At times when I put great effort to achieve something, I want to see results. It usually frustrates me very much if I find no reward for my hardships. As I result I lose faith in myself. I become a sore loser. And I remember very well how my classmates and teachers hated it when I started this kind of drama. I could tell that it annoyed them very much.

But all that time, I thought it was my being a sore loser that lead to their disappointment. But just this morning I realized that maybe, it was the very act of crying that annoyed them very  much.

I never really thought of this before. But is it really wrong to just let it all out? to just let the salt water from your eyes wash away whatever grief you have in your heart? It’s not fair ……………………………………………………………………….

The song “don’t cry out loud” never really appealed to me before. Because the way I see it, braver are those who are not afraid to reveal themselves. But now it seems as if I’m the only one who thinks so.

I’ve experienced how it is to want to cry and find your eyes dried out of tears. When this happens, I usually feel an uneasy sensation in my chest, as if my heart would swell and cease from pumping — literally. I really don’t like the feeling. It hurts twice as much,really. And I’d rather cry my heart out than let it bleed silently within me. But must I pay a price for doing so? must I suffer the impression of being immature for preventing too much pain?

Just hours ago, for the first time in my life, I felt a sting in my heart but held back what was supposed to be another river of salt water from these tired eyes.   It felt as if somebody wrapped his fingers around my cardiac muscle and then I fancied it being squeezed a bit. And I felt a certain pain that was so real — physically and thought that this is why they say that stress could cause heart failure or something.

The sorrow which has no vent in tears may make other organs weep.  ~Henry Maudsley

So then I thought, I must make a choice. It’s either let the eyes weep or the heart. Personally, I prefer the former. But being misjudged for the same reason again worries me.

“When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.”  ~Kahlil Gibran

To the person who made me realize this, you know who you are.I’d like to ask you one question. One that really means a lot to me. You once said that you really hate seeing me cry. Would you prefer it if I bleed silently without anyone ever noticing? that I find myself dying inside then just fake a smile whenever someone draws near me? Now I’m starting to doubt if you really care. Because right now, I really don’t think so. I’d rather be sensitive than INsensitive — rather be overacting than pretentious — better shallow than fraud.

This article is dedicated for those who bleed silently. If wrinkles must be written in your faces, let them never be written in your hearts. There is absolutely no shame in washing your sorrows with tears. Those who cease to do so leave their pains to rot within them. It is not healthy to do so. They grow tumors that are cancerous not only to the body but to the soul as well. So to all men and women who share the same sentiments as I do, I dare say that you need not fear. If they must think us weak, at least we can proudly say that we’ve become true to ourselves. We are not alone. Because as you can see, I was wrong when I said that I’m the only one who seems to think so ..^_^ ..

“Hateful to me as the gates of Hades is that man who hides one thing in his heart and tells another” — Homer

The sorrow which has no vent in tears may make other organs weep.  ~Henry Maudsley

Let your tears come.  Let them water your soul.  ~Eileen Mayhew

The soul would have no rainbow had the eyes no tears.  ~John Vance Cheney

Tearless grief bleeds inwardly.  ~Christian Nevell Bovee

Time engraves our faces with all the tears we have not shed.  ~Natalie Clifford Barney

Heavy hearts, like heavy clouds in the sky, are best relieved by the letting of a little water.  ~Antoine Rivarol

A woman wears her tears like jewelry.  ~Author Unknown

To weep is to make less the depth of grief.  ~William Shakespeare, King Henry the Sixth

It is some relief to weep; grief is satisfied and carried off by tears.  ~Ovid

Those who do not know how to weep with their whole heart don’t know how to laugh either.  ~Golda Meir

Tears are the safety valve of the heart when too much pressure is laid on it.  ~Albert Smith

Tears are God’s gift to us.  Our holy water.  They heal us as they flow.  ~Rita Schiano, Sweet Bitter Love, 1997, published by The Reed Edwards Company

Invisible tears are the hardest to wipe away.  Just let it out, my friend.  ~Adabella Radici

I heard the teardrop hit my pillow before I even knew I was crying.  ~Amborella Oltre

Every woman is wrong until she cries, and then she is right - instantly.  ~Sam Slick (Thomas Chandler Haliburton)

Women are never landlocked:  they’re always mere minutes away from the briny deep of tears.  ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic’s Notebook, 1966

Tears are Summer showers to the soul.  ~Alfred Austin, Savonarola

Lips that taste of tears, they say,
Are the best for kissing.
~Dorothy Parker

Tears are the silent language of grief.  ~Voltaire, A Philosophical Dictionary

Laughter through tears is my favorite emotion.  ~Steel Magnolias

What soap is for the body, tears are for the soul.  ~Jewish Proverb

I didn’t want my picture taken because I was going to cry.  I didn’t know why I was going to cry, but I knew that if anybody spoke to me or looked at me too closely the tears would fly out of my eyes and the sobs would fly out of my throat and I’d cry for a week.  I could feel the tears brimming and sloshing in me like water in a glass that is unsteady and too full.  ~Sylvia Plath, The Bell Jar

The cure for anything is salt water - sweat, tears, or the sea.  ~Isak Dinesen

I like the snot to run a little, the tears to accumulate a bit before reaching for the handkerchief.  Then I know I’m really crying.  Crying just isn’t crying unless it’s messy.  ~D.H. Mondfleur

Unless you have been very, very lucky, you have undoubtedly experienced events in your life that have made you cry.  So unless you have been very, very lucky, you know that a good, long session of weeping can often make you feel better, even if your circumstances have not changed one bit.  ~Lemony Snicket

More grievous than tears is the sight of them.  ~Antonio Porchia, Voces, 1943, translated from Spanish by W.S. Merwin

I often want to cry.  That is the only advantage women have over men - at least they can cry.  ~Jean Rhys

It is such a secret place, the land of tears.  ~Antoine de Saint-Exupery, The Little Prince

♫dudie♫

Kahlil Gibran on Love

When love beckons to you, follow him,
Though his ways are hard and steep.
And when his wings enfold you yield to him,
Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you.
And when he speaks to you believe in him,
Though his voice may shatter your dreams
as the north wind lays waste the garden.

Love has no other desire but to fulfill itself.
But if you love and must needs have desires, let these be your desires:
To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night.
To know the pain of too much tenderness.
To be wounded by your own understanding of love;
And to bleed willingly and joyfully.
To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving;
To rest at the noon hour and meditate love’s ecstasy;
To return home at eventide with gratitude;
And then to sleep with a prayer for the beloved in your heart and a song of praise upon your lips.

“You can’t live on amusement. It is the froth on water — an inch deep and then the mud.”  —- George MacDonald

It has been said that the first half of man’s life consists of the capacity to enjoy without the chance, and the last half consists of the chance without the capacity. This kind of mentality may well be suspected  of being one good reason for becoming self-indulgent in one’s desire to enjoy his youth while it lasts. Fearing that the opportunity to engage in several effervescent joys may not come again, there is a tendency to grab each one as it comes. Another reason is the one sinful word most commonly associated to teenagers — rebellion. And because of these two reasons, one tends to become impulsive, thereby forgetting to consider the consequences that can result from such actions. The following events to be described are common high school and college students — proof that imprudence comes with it’s own price.

I still remember very well how my former classmate became so pleased when he successfully convinced me to cut classes for the very first time. After watching four good movies, he came up to me and said, “Exciting, isn’t it?” Thinking that he was talking about the movies we watched, I answered, “Yup. Great choice of films” Then he looked at me with some sort of naughty smile in his face and said, “No. I mean breaking the rules for once. You have to admit it’s pretty exciting.” He had me surprised there for a moment but then I found out exactly what he was thinking. And I knew that he was also determined  enough to tempt me into “breaking the rules” again. i didn’t know why he would take much interest in doing such a thing but I could practically sense his enthusiasm. And the worst part was that I could no help but agree to what he said. I say this because in spite of knowing how wrong it was, I could not deny the fact that for me, it was, indeed, quite exciting. I thought it was thrilling, and even addictive(to say the least). This is exactly what makes it very dangerous. If you let yourself get caught in this web of heedlessness, such imprudence would lead you to your own demise. It works like some sort of virus, if not a kind of addiction. You start by falling into the quicksand of foolhardiness and then eventually you’ll find yourself enjoying it until it finally becomes a part of your system. And when it does, it would already be very difficult to cleanse it out. Then you’d start asking yourself, “How can something so wrong feel so right?”. I knew about this right then, for even as he spoke to me, these very thoughts were running in my mind. I was pretty certain that I had all of my senses at the keeping of my wits. But as to why there were several other instances wherein my friend and I indulged ourselves in the thrilling experience of “breaking the rules”, I had a different reason. All that “thrill and excitement” was just a consolation for me. It was an act of rebellion — a desperate attempt to inflict any kind of stress to my father(whom I blame for what has become of our once one, big, happy family). Then I realized that I was already asking that very dangerous question to myself — “How can something so wrong feel so right?”

But then, retribution came to me like a thief in the night. Mr. Karma, who is very fond of surprise visits, came in the form of our school’s announcement of honor students. With four individuals competing for the top rank, computing our academic, co-curricular and extra-curricular points was a painstaking process. I found out that I was fist announced as third from the highest rank, that is, first honorable mention. No words could have expressed how awfully disappointed I was except that I could not contain my emotions well enough to cease from crying like the world’s biggest sore loser in front of everyone — including the entire faculty. Later that week, they announced that a mistake has been made. But even so, the intensity of my regret and remorse was enough to leave a sting that would never be forgotten — karma.

So I concluded that in diving into the bottom of pleasure, we bring up more gravel than pearls. It’s a good thing that my friend and I were only fond of movies and online games. But what if we were involved in much more serious vices? Where would we be right now? He wouldn’t be studying in a good university like he is now, I suppose. As for me, I would have as good as thrown away my opportunity to finish my studies, which I’m sure I would regret for as long as I live.

Although it is true that these sorts of experiences would perfume our youth and make it seem more colourful, more ebullient, it is important to draw the line somewhere, just enough to prevent you from pulling the trigger for self-destruction. To make pleasures pleasant, shorten them, for tranquil pleasures last the longest. We are not fitted to bear the burden of great joys. A certain balance must be kept. We must always live by the principle of Yin and Yang — for each virtue, a hint of vice, and for each vice, a seed of virtue. For we are only human, we need to know the ways of the world. If we are to thoroughly survive, these guidelines must be followed — the rules and principles that govern life.#

—-> nonconformist — defined as a person who fails to adapt to his environment and to the people around him because of too much egoism, vanity, and the desire to be DIFFERENT from others ..

—-> a nonconformist may claim that he/she is/was given this title because he excels in a certain field and that a lot of people are jealous of his/her capabilities ..

—-> well i say, if this is true, there should be very few people who dislike you and complain about your unbearable boastfulness ..after all, you just can’t please everybody ..

—-> but if the majority of people around you dislike you for that very same reason, that’s a different story ..we can conclude that there must be something wrong with you ..that the majority of people that you encounter everyday feel a certain AIR OF NARCISSISM whenever you’re around ..

—-> i believe that the human being has the capability to interpret the thoughts of his fellows based upon their body language, facial expressions and gestures ..ACTIONS ALWAYS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS ..w/c is exactly why your theater arts trainer tells you to feel every line in your script, or your glee club instructor insists that you feel every word in the lyrics of what you’re singing ..people always possess the capability to feel or find out whether you mean what you say and say what you mean ..how??? why???

—-> AN APPEAL TO THE EMOTIONS — that’s the major aspect that makes the difference ..Unless the person you’re talking to is a certified and professional CALCIFIED LIAR, you will eventually find out whether he’s telling you the truth or not ..there always seems to be a certain impact that distinguishes PRAISE from FLATTERY ..

—->so in short, when a majority of people tell you the same thing, it is because they have read your intentions and are somehow and somewhat aware of what you’re thinking ..unconsciously or subconsciously, your intentions have been FELT and found out ..so even if you don’t/ didn’t necessarily and directly say/utter something offensive to a person, the tone of your voice, your choice of words, your delivery will eventually give you away ..THIS IS THE POWER OF HUMAN IMPRESSION ..

—->SARCASM IS THE LANGUAGE OF THE DEVIL ..if you say something negative in a sarcastic manner, it is four times worse than if uttered in a straightforward manner ..”it’s not what you say that really matters; it’s how you say it” ..cOncern is different from insult ..

—-> remember that the people around you WERE NOT BORN YESTERDAY ..that they have the capacity to think as well as you ..that you are not the only being in the planet capable of thinking logically or intellectually ..and that you are not surrounded by a crowd of insensitive nitwits who will put up with your crap no matter how much you hurt or mutilate their feelings ..there is a fine line between patience and being a martyr .. BEWARE THE FURY OF A PATIENT MAN ..

—-> forgiveness will come if it is due ..”sOrry” is obsolete and meaningless ..it’s the reason behind it and the sincerity that makes the difference ..

—-> saying that “i live only for myself and i don’t care what other people think of me” is a sign of selfishness, shallowness, vanity, folly and UTTER STUPIDITY ..

♫dudie♫